Tuesday, 1 March 2011

I'm angry.

It scares me - I'm never angry!
I always, without fail, get sad and tearful when something bad happens to me. Never angry.

Yesterday in Drama we did Artaud's "Primal Scream" acting exercise. We all stood in a circle, facing the walls, eyes shut. Our teacher talked us into a state of sheer rage and then for one glorious minute we screamed and shouted and yelled. These exercises don't usually affect me that much, but this one made me cry. I never realised how much anger I have inside me - my ingenious Drama teacher is always telling me I'm "an imploder"; she can see the struggles in my mind, but I never ever voice them. I don't even do the "bubbling under the surface" thing, bottling everything up and then exploding. I just let it all happen in my head. And sometimes this leads to a good cry.

But just now I realised the world really isn't what I expected. Life is unfair. People will let you down, cheat you and lie to you for no reason, and there's nothing you can do about it except scream. Good old Artaud.

And what did I do with this anger? I deleted a whole load of my Facebook friends - the ones that piss me off. And the ones that upload pictures of happy times and write statuses about how lucky they are to have a certain person in their life - a person I no longer have.

x

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