Friday, 15 July 2011

I'll keep this short, so I don't overdo it and start to gush (which is what usually happens).
You guys sound so happy, and I'm actually really happy for you. I can't explain it, but while I was on holiday last week I felt something change. For the first two days I kept having these horrible thoughts about how the two of you are going on holiday together, blah blah blah.
Then by the third day, something deep in my mind said "that's enough". And I managed to block out every single thought of you that popped into my head; not only that but when I let myself think about it, I didn't feel that stupid stabbing pain I've been having in the chest region... Anyway, I know we'll never be BFF, and I know for a fact he'll never speak to me again. I've known him for over six years; for most of that time I was the girl he asked for advice about the girls he was infatuated with and then as soon as he was in a relationship with them, he vanished. I wouldn't hear from him until that relationship was over. I totally understood and didn't mind at all, and I guess when I was in a relationship with him I thought it was cute that he devoted so much time to me, but I knew deep down that one day it would end and we'd never see each other again. We made these crazy plans to be best friends, and go back to the way things were before... But I knew that just wasn't possible. It's not who he is.

Now, back to you m'dear. As flattered as the ex-girlfriend within me is that you feel this way, you must never feel the need to compete with me. I'm sure that his relationship with me was completely different - it was the first real relationship for both of us, we had so many "firsts" together, and we gave each other the confidence for future relationships. We did genuinely love each other, I hope we'll always remember each other fondly and I would think we'd both want each other to be happy. So there you go.

The only thing that bothers me a tiny bit is that he's confided in you a few private details about his relationship with me - for one thing, I don't want you to think badly of me, and for another I doubt you'll understand exactly what happened and how we both got through it. It's too complicated.

Wow, this turned out to be a bit overdone and gushy after all. Sorry... I might delete this later.
But first I'll make a few promises of my own...

1) I'll shut up very soon and let you get on with your lives.
2) If I get the chance, like if I run into you in town sometime, I'll say a nice hello and apologize. Or y'know, if I don't have the courage to do all that, I'll just smile and hopefully you'll know what I mean.
3) I'll try and find someone soon. (This is more of a promise to myself.)

Thank you, I appreciate you being so nice to me - I wouldn't blame you if you hired someone to whack me! x

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