Monday, 29 August 2011

Yes, this is about boys.

I've had no luck recently. In fact, for the past seven months, I've had the worst luck in the world. I became single in January, and it wasn't until six months later that I plucked up the courage just to ask a guy for his phone number. That guy ended up leading me on, and ultimately breaking my heart. I had a really great thing going with another guy, and no surprise, he broke my heart.
In seven months, all I've had are raised hopes, let-downs, and three kisses.
So I've decided that in three weeks, I'm going to move out of this little town and start a new life in a beautiful city, surrounded by new people and new opportunities. I might even fit in some time to study for a degree in Drama and Creative Writing. x

Friday, 26 August 2011

Facts.

I had my first day at work today, and it went really well. I will be living in a beautiful city for the next three years of my life. There is always time to watch an episode of 'How I Met Your Mother'. It's been nearly a month since I got my nose pierced, and now I can't imagine life without it. I've started dressing 'ironically'. I'm happy.
I also love my new camera, it makes me look nice. x

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

I'm still clearing.

Today I finished packing away exactly one half of my bedroom into a box. Now most of you will know I'm a sentimental fool, so imagine how I feel when I go through all the memories and photos in my room.
So I was sitting on the floor, surrounded by boxes full of old birthday cards and photos in frames, when I discovered a little black flower pot made of card that once held a dozen little red roses on Valentine's Day 2010. I remembered walking into the restaurant with my boyfriend, seeing our pretty table set up and this pot of roses waiting for me.
And that's when I started crying. They were sad, regretful tears. But then I found something else; something I've actually been trying to find for ages. It's a note that my best friend wrote me in AS French class last year, when I was upset with him. And just like that, they were happy tears. x

Monday, 22 August 2011

I realised something this morning.

I have so many reasons to be happy. I'm eighteen, I can drive, I've been accepted into my first-choice university, I have some really great friends, I've just started a wonderful part-time job (which I can leave when I go to uni, and come back to when I'm home for holidays), I have so much free time at the moment, I have money, I'm lucky, I'm reasonably healthy... And I could carry on this list for a long time.
Sometimes I just need to take a step back and appreciate what I have, instead of letting the silly little things (and silly little people) bother me. x

Abbots Close.

So I've just started clearing out my childhood bedroom; the room I've occupied since I was two years old. I remember the day we moved in - I wanted "the red room". It had hideous white-and-red wallpaper and fluffy red carpet. 'Fluffy' meaning: like thick, long, red jungle grass that came up to my knees. I loved it.
Sixteen years later, the wallpaper and carpet is gone and in their places are plain cream walls and a hardwood floor (I went through a 'hardwood floor' phase'). Also, the floor is now covered in STUFF, and I'm packing it all away into boxes and black bags. I can't believe this is really happening. It's only just sunk in.
I also have to say goodbye to two of my oldest friends who have lived across the road from me for the last sixteen years. x

Saturday, 20 August 2011

3.

Hi, my name's Gracie. I have a full wardrobe but nothing to wear, I want to write a book one day, I can rap along to every Nicki Minaj song, I cried on my birthday, I haven't had sex in a very long time, I'd rather stay in than go out, I have six piercings, I hate being drunk, despite everything I am still an optimist, I love Zumba, Twitter has got me into a lot of trouble with various different people, my favourite TV show is Gilmore Girls, I am always "the other girl", I'm obsessed with slipper socks, and nobody can change me.

I do one of these posts every month. x

Friday, 19 August 2011

I've always believed that you realise who you care about the most when you're far away from home - because they're the person you miss the most. Now I've discovered that there is also another way of realising this: they're the person you think about when you're watching a stupid romantic movie. When the movie reaches that dramatic climax, when everything is working out and the two main characters are declaring their love for one-another... That's when you see that person's face, and you know. x

So I went out last night with my two best girls. We promised ourselves a crazy night clubbing and drinking and generally being idiots... But we just ended up having a chilled out evening sitting in the pub sharing pitchers of Sex On The Beach and having a laugh. Then, after a horrifying taxi ride home, we snuggled down in our pyjamas and watched Jeremy Kyle with pizza and Pringles.
I think the night turned out even better than we'd planned.

Thursday, 18 August 2011

I'm in.

I didn't realise how badly I wanted this, until I opened that envelope. See you in September, University of Winchester! x

(Me and my friends are going to be in the paper. Yippeee.)

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

I deserve better.

I've realised today that after weeks of telling myself not to get my hopes up, I went right ahead and shoved them up anyway. The problem with that is when you get your hopes up high... That's a long way to fall.
I've realised today that two guys have cheated on their girlfriends with me.
The second guy was "seeing" a girl already and lied to me about it (even when I outright asked him about her) and took advantage of the fact that I really liked him. He then proceeded to lead me on, raise my hopes and promise me things he never intended to give.

I may not be perfect, but I'm pretty sure I deserve better than this. Surely I have the right to be someone's first choice; the one they really want. A good friend of mine has always told me: "Never make someone a priority, if they only make you an option."

If you're wondering about that first guy... Well, he's a whole different story. x

My baby cousin has brought me happiness, love and laughter - but also some things I never expected: peace and perspective. This funny little girl with her wise blue eyes and astonishingly calm nature has somehow shown me what is important in life, and what is not; who is worth my time, and who isn't even worth a spare thought or second glance. Thank you, little girl. x

Monday, 15 August 2011

Random Memory #5 (S).

One of the millions of times we walked out "over the farm", and you showed me where we'd be camping on the night of your birthday party. We sat together in the grass for a while, and I turned to you and said: "I know I don't say it enough, but I really do love you." x

Random Memory #4 (S).

The way his green flannelly dressing gown felt in the morning. x

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Reasons to be cheerful. 1, 2, 3.

I'm finally eighteen. I had three birthday parties: one at home, a surprise pyjama party thrown by my amazing Australian family (I've always wanted a surprise party!), and a nice evening out on my actual birthday (drinks and dinner with the family). I have a few more parties coming (a night out with my cousins and a "posse" on Saturday, not to mention billions of nights out when I get home - to catch up on a year of missing out!).

A certain guy has promised to take me on a date when I get home ("cinema, dinner, night out, the lot!"). Just the idea of a date makes me jump up and down with joy.
I also have quite a cheeky friendship going on with a certain guy, and I'm loving every minute of it.

I got my nose pierced; something I've wanted since I was five years old. An upside of not having a boyfriend: freedom to do whatever I want with my body.

Just writing all these things down is making me feel better already. x

Random Memory #3 (M).

My birthday party, you drinking rum, me sitting on your lap. You looked into my eyes and said, deadly serious: "You're so beautiful." I replied: "Shut the fuck up." x

Random Memory #2 (P)

That time we went shopping, and you bought me a bar of Fry's Chocolate Cream. You handed it to me and I said: "In my world, this means we're married now." x

Random Memory #1 (S).

Lying in his bed, enjoying that lazy "afterwards" feeling, singing along to 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'. x
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