Monday, 27 June 2016

A teeny tiny awkward step for this woman.....

Maybe it's because I recently finished reading 'Becoming' by Laura Jane Williams (little review to come!); maybe because I was wearing a particularly positive raw crystal around my neck yesterday, with another in my pocket; maybe because I spent the entire day in the magical Brighton with a friend who gets me, teams up with me and inspires me all at once - but yesterday I took a step. 



I am a sucker for fate. A believer in whatever happens was meant to happen, what will be will be, and if something doesn't work out the way you think it would or the way you want it to then that's just because it wasn't meant to be, not this time
Funnily enough, this may be another contributor to my 'step moment', I saw and talked with Katie aka Scarphelia yesterday who told me of a time when fate was on her side which then led to a chat about the past and the future and all those random coincidental/fateful happenings. That was lovely. I bathed in my love of the universe and its way of creating very unusual but totally deliberate happenstance. 

I also hope that one day I will have a 'meet cute' story to tell. Well, more than one. I currently have 3 in my head and heart - 3 of my best friends, one of whom I was in a relationship with until recently. All 3 stories involve a strange event, or series of events, when our timelines collided and we spoke a few words ('My motorbike needs a name'/'You're from where I'm from!'/'I like that your tattoos are colour-coordinated') then were in each other's lives forever more (I hope, anyway). So someday, when that person comes along, I hope I - we - will have a sweet little tale to tell our friends over drinks, or a complete stranger in a queue for the teller at the bank or the self-checkout in the supermarket. I want a special, magical, occasion of sorts. 
Bear this in mind when I tell the story. 


Yesterday, I had a revelation. As I travelled through towns on the train, book in hand and coast whipping by through the window, I came across a handsome man. He boarded the train and walked past me, I happened to look up at the right time and lock eyes with him, we both smiled - awkwardly, shyly, then suddenly comfortably and almost...smugly, both of us because we'd made this connection - then the moment passed and he sat across the aisle from me. He chatted with an older man all the way to Brighton, talking about how he voted Remain (good, very good) and how he goes between London and Brighton a lot (excellent, yes) and just enjoying the man's company, which got my interest. Any person who can comfortably strike up a conversation on public transport with a stranger and actually maintain it...they're my kind of person. 
We parted ways as we arrived at our mutual destination, and soon any hope of him extending a metaphorical hand subsided and squashed in my mind as I saw him walk through the barriers and out onto the street. I had sadness in the back of my mind for an hour or so, but then I told myself c'est la vie, drank up my coffee, and that was that. 
But it wasn't. 
I then saw him again as I waited for my train home, the 2-coach train that was rammed most rudely, and my heart genuinely pounded as we locked eyes yet again. I'd had a lot of coffee and then a cocktail, so the buzz was there, but it intensified in this moment. I turned to Leticia and said 'this is too good. It's fate. I'm saying something.' I did just that. I smiled, he smiled, I spoke, he spoke, nothing came of it. He got off the train, I stayed on and I blushed all the way home
I tried. I followed an impulse, I acted on instinct. I surprised myself. That was my step. 

My friend and I had also spent all day eyeing up handsome men and beautiful ladies, as we strolled the back streets of Brighton. I also felt pretty for the first time in forever. I was reminded of the radical beauty to be found down the Lanes, and the little sparks even present at the top of the busy main road. I appreciated attractive individuals, which is something I haven't done properly for a long, long time. I've been dormant for months, in that respect at least. Now I'm emerging. I'm still wanting to spend a while by myself, no attachments, for the near future at least. But if something comes along, quite unexpectedly, on a train perhaps, then I'll...try. I will. I hope. 

Thank you, I guess, unusual train man. xo

3 comments

  1. Grace, I don't know whether my hormones are just sky high or what but you've genuinely brought a tear to my eye. This was like reading a David Nicholls book, the awkward shyness, and yet ALL THE LOVE! Ugh, cute train man bump into Gracie again please!! xoxoxox

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    1. Oh oh Emma, you have made my night! Thank you. I just wish my life were as beautiful and exciting as a David Nicholls' book! xoxo

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  2. Yes!!!! I totally get this Gracie X

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