Friday, 5 August 2016

Flying high and dry.

I'm in the midst of...wait, no, I'm not in the midst of anything. That's the point I'm making. Well, I believe what's affecting me at the moment is called 'a dry spell'. Now that's always sounded a bit sad and gross to me, but oh well. For lack of a better expression, I am in a dry spell. Spelling dry. 



This is not a disaster for me, oh no - I don't know if any of you saw this somewhat controversial but mega important blog post, but if you did then you know I can handle myself. As it were. But still, it would be rather lovely to have someone else helping me out. *ahem* 

I recently read Laura Jane Williams' 'Becoming' and it astounded me in its brilliance, its rawness...but then I astounded myself with my ability to relate to it. Even though I haven't ever spent time in an Italian convent, or flown to New York to confess my love for a man, or taken a vow of celibacy...but I may as well have, right now. However I am not that religious or committed to anything. 
I'm getting to my point guys, bear with...

This dry spell is actually somewhat self-inflicted

Let me explain. I have been taking care of myself recently. And no, that isn't only in reference to my manic wanking. It's also a general thing. For the past 8 months, it has been all about me. Doing me (again, I don't mean just the she-bopping). It was only last year, amidst another medical nightmare, and after a bit of counselling, that I realised just how little I thought of myself. More importantly, how I didn't prioritise myself. I came second to everyone else in my life - even, in some cases, the people who bullied me. At times especially the people who bullied me. 
They say illnesses give you perspective; that when they rip the roof off your safe place and shove you headfirst into the shit, they are actually doing the tiniest bit of good because they shine a light on what matters - and what really doesn't. For me, the light shone on...me. 


Since this startling realisation, I have deliberately gone out of my way to make myself happy, first. If anyone else gets a few good vibes in the process, so much the better. 

In my relentless pursuit of fun and me-time, I have done the following things...
-- Seen mad amounts of theatre, despite the cost. With friends, and alone. A highlight was when I saw a matinee of Wicked in London, just me. It was literally magical.
-- Written (most of) a book. It's currently being tweaked and polished within an inch of its life, and then who knows? I may just send it to someone and make it a real, legit thing. 
-- Blogged so so much more. Which I know y'all love, right? 
-- Got a new job. I finally acknowledged - no, admitted - that I wasn't happy in my former workplace. I needed to do something that suited me better and made me endlessly happy. Thus, I became a bookseller
-- I've made my own Netflix account and included my family in it, giving them all accounts and linking it up (painstakingly) on the family home TV. 
-- I've started looking into more tattoos, more artists. Emailing and booking. Things I really want. Things that make my body more my own space. Body positivity has been a big thing I've been working on in recent months, and it feels pretty sweet. 
-- I read some bloody excellent books

There are so many more things I've done, and the majority of them can be found in my previous post. The one I wrote on my birthday, because clearly I have a next level blogging addiction. But I knew that already. 

So, my dry spell has actually been quite pleasant and rewarding. Would you believe it? 

If it helps you to get your head around this, readers, yes I do miss sex. I really do. I've almost forgotten what it feels like. But I haven't had time for it! I haven't prioritised it. Maybe sometime in the near future I will, again, like I used to. Maybe. But for now? I'm doing me. In every respect. 

*winks* 

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