Friday, 12 August 2016

The Magic Number.

Does your magic number matter?

We've all had those chats with friends, usually over drinks obvs, when a game of 'Never Have I Ever' gets pointed and slurry...yeah, it's that chat about our number. Y'know. That number. No, not your mobile number. Not your age. Your, ermm, 'magic number'. Get me now?
Yes, the magic number. Your number of sexual partners. Yeah. 

This is a fun topic of conversation – provided it is a conversation between friends you trust and not with nosy strangers trying to chat you up on the dance floor, and that there is enough of a mutual (spoken or unspoken) understanding between you that no matter what your friend's magic number is, big or small, you will NOT judge them for it. That information will not taint your opinion of them; it will not alter your perception or ignite any unpleasantness.

When I was at uni, I had a lot of friends in halls or shared houses who would compile lists that all house mates could contribute to as and when, e.g. the list in the kitchen of each house mate or visitor's allergies/food preferences, or the times they each took the bins out...and then of course, there were the 'funny' lists, too. The most common was always the Chunder Chart...and the Shag Chart.
Some of my friends were absolutely diligent in their updating of the Shag Chart. One guy I knew even raced out of his bedroom wrapped in a duvet, with a slight semi, to add a notch to his section of the chart. He then got a round of high-fives and returned to his room for round 2. The main rule of the Shag Chart was simple: each individual you shag in your flat/house, not each shag. For instance, if you bring someone home from a night out once, then that's one tally mark. If you have a long-term partner who visits every weekend and spends the greater proportion of that weekend in your bed then they get one mark too, and no more. Them's the rules, kids. It was very strict, and fair. 

Now, that was in 2011. If anything I feel that sexuality is ten times more open and just acceptable than it was back then...y'know? Back then having a Shag Chart was 'casual classic bantz' but also a bit of a thrill as we students had been so tame – and maybe repressed – until then in our family homes and quiet towns. Most of us could count the amount of times we'd got laid on one hand. Freshers Fortnight turned all of that around.
Five years on, in 2016, sex is more of a talked about concept and, in some cases, issue. People feel they can be more open and give detail of certain encounters or experiences among friends – or online for the world to hear and read about! *waves to fellow sex-positive bloggers & vloggers*

I personally have always felt that the Magic Number concept is fraught with terror when it really needn't be.
As a woman I am frequently made to feel like a hideous nympho freak for having and enjoying sex. Let alone having and enjoying sex with more than one other human in my entire life. Then on the flip side, men are considered 'weird' or worse if they only bonk the one person and not a never-ending stream of conquests. 

This hideous double-standard always makes me think of a school friend's Bebo 'skin' back in 2003, all pink and glittery and sarcastic: a girl kisses 2 guyz, she a hoe – a guy bangs 2 gurlz, he's a ledge?? 


That's how things feel if you're straight, anyway – LGBTQ friends, please enlighten me, is this an issue in your communities? 

I am on the verge of starting up an Adam Hills-style 'don't be a dick' rant, I know, but I really cannot say it enough: your Magic Number, big or small or middling or non-existent, does not matter. If you enjoyed each encounter, or perhaps didn't but learned something from it, or (I'm so sorry if this is the case) you feel you need to scratch a digit or two off due to nastiness, then fine. To each their own. Do you. Never be ashamed or embarrassed. Never let someone make you feel ashamed or embarrassed. I don't know, it can all get so silly and so OTT; please be good to yourself, that's all. 
How do YOU feel about this? Have you ever been made to feel 'slutty', or 'frigid' because of your Magic Number? Do you even know what the number is or do you not count? ANY OPINIONS WELCOME, I am such a hoe for opinions...thank you, friends! 

6 comments

  1. As ever, an awesome read!

    I was a bit of a 'late bloomer' when it came to sex, but after having had my first 'serious' relationship in my late teens in to early twenties, I discovered myself and how much I actually enjoyed it and wanted it, haha. However, somewhat ironically, I ended up being judged by several individuals throughout uni for my behaviour/choices when it came to good old fashioned hanky panky.

    As for now, I am aware of my rough 'magic number' but I don't really take as much notice of it anymore. As long as you're happy, safe and honest with your chosen partner(s), go for it! Happy fucking. Hahaha!

    Jud
    :D
    xx

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  2. I have one more year at uni, does this mean I increase my magic number (which as early as last week made one of my old old friends give me curious looks and subsequent questions about) or shall it just stay the same? Thankfully, being the 'mature' gent (I like to think) I am, I couldn't a wayward fuck towards other peoples opinions on the matter.

    I've had those who think I am a 'ledge' for what I do, some even believe I go out each night of the week seeking to increase it (my mind conjures a Jack the Ripper/Channing Tatum in Magic Mike kinda cross (aptly named "Jack the Sex Ripper")), some think I come across as the ManSlut to end all Mansluts. But truth be told, it started when I was 16 (no shame in admitting it) and although did increase dramatically at uni, they just 'happened', I have never gone out specifically looking for another bed-post notch, but even if I did I would not ashmed about it!

    My number is just that, MY number.
    Should that increase? Great! Stay the same? Fine!
    Whatever one more year of uni, and the rest of holds, I shall embrace it with open arms and a shot of tequila.

    I absolutely adore this post dear Gracie, once again pulled on a subject that I happen to have a large opinion on (and sometimes think I should follow up on (writing wise)). But again, thank you for a fantastic read.

    Hugs
    Fidler
    x

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  3. I have a small number yet always feel it should be smaller. The thing is if I had my way it would only have ever been one but relationships end and we have to start again. I hate the different gender standards here and judging people for a number. News flash women enjoy sex too

    Selfcaremom.wordpress.com

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  4. I have a small number yet always feel it should be smaller. The thing is if I had my way it would only have ever been one but relationships end and we have to start again. I hate the different gender standards here and judging people for a number. News flash women enjoy sex too

    Selfcaremom.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Preach to the double standard bull! I'm bisexual and have known that since before I was sexually active so have always bounced (for lack of a better word) between men and women. What bugs me that when I give my magic number in regards to men there is always a slight grimace but when I give them my female number (which is actually a touch higher) it's high fives all round!! I'll never understand it 🙄.
    Must say I'm a relatively new reader but your posts are fast becoming some of my faves. Xx

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  6. Right so this is a funny subject for me being a guy. I used to think sleeping around made me the dogs bollocks. I quite literally lost my virginity in the woods because I thought that's what people should do and so did the girl i lost it too. I was 14 I think? By the time I was 17 I'd matched my age with girls I'd slept with and used to brag about it as some stupid little ego boost to make me feel good. Until I met nice girls, girls with a bit of self respect - and I say that as in they'd had sex etc but didn't seek it like I did whenever possible... and when I tried to brag in my college dorm room they literally shamed me, I was talking to a 19 and a 20 year old male students who'd never even received oral and I thought they were lying!? I couldn't believe it cause of how I was brought up, and these girls looked at me in discust and told me they'd never go near me! For the first time in my life I'd felt ashamed.. suddenly it wasn't so big and clever, and the thing is with girls is it is easy to be branded a slut from anywhere over about 5 people, but the reality is with guys once you hit a certain mark it's nothing but a turn off for girls.

    I've been in relationships where the girls have openly said they feel less confident because of how many girls I've been with because there's that much compitetion. The reality is 90% was awful, and the only good sex you have is in relationships when you get comfortable - not when your both robots trying to do your best to impress.

    I just wanted to say that the magic number has an impact for guys too - that it's great bragging to your friends but the reality is I keep my number a secret now because there is no point sharing it. There's a very shallow sense of pride with it, you can only really brag to a group of very narrow minded individuals. And now If a girl genuinely wants to get with me how many people I've been with before shouldn't have an impact - wrap up stay safe and stop fucking people for the wrong reasons!! Sex is great when enjoyed the right way, a brilliant way to end the night even if it is a one night stand. But don't tell anyone about her, keep her dignity without making her sound like a slut and they will think the world of you. If your having sex do it cause you enjoy it why should anyone else know?

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