Saturday, 10 December 2016

The Specs Factor; L25, R50.

[Text to friend] I really wanna write a blog post about my new glasses. Is that vain af?
[friend's reply] yeah kinda. 
[me again] Imma do it anyway. 


I got glasses. I have had this teeny alien astigmatism ting, which basically means I've been short-sighted, for a very long time now. So yeah, I got glasses. Not a big deal. Except it is. 

(Source: New Girl gifs on GIPHY; Jess is me and I am Jess, tho.)

You wouldn't think I could create an entire blog post containing thoughts, reflections (not just on the lenses, eyyy) and even a slight story arc in it, but I did it. Don't worry, I'll break up the post with some charming glasses gifs, how about that? 

(Is this real? I choose to believe it is. Found, you guessed it, on giphy. God, I love cats.)


You see (haha), so many times I've done that annoying thing with my bespectacled friends and demanded to try on their glasses, just to see how I looked as well as how I looked – but it was when I jokingly tried on my sister's new pink frames that I realised...I need these. Suddenly the TV was 10x clearer from my seat on the sofa. The cakes on GBBO were spotless and glorious, as was Sue Perkins' face. There was no glare! It was like my TV had been dialled down on the shine – in a good way – and like a mega HD situation had presented itself to me. My eyes were not straining, suddenly (even though I never knew they were to begin with).

Then not long after this, I was in Charing Cross station – my second home these days – trying to work out when my next train was. I was stood in front of the Nero Express on one side of the station, looking up at the electronic boards with times and platforms on. I couldn't see a damn thing. No wait, I saw orange lamp lights, blurred and spotty, and when I squinted like an old lady in the rain I could just about make out the times and destinations. I actually said aloud to myself at this point 'shit Grace, you need glasses.'

And yet, I still put it off just a little while longer. Why? Because I didn't feel I could rock the specs. I have all manner of insecurities about my face; it's fat, it's wide, it's oddly shaped (blame the surgery), it's pale, it's spotty etc. etc., and I just figured that glasses would only accentuate it's weirdness and serve only to highlight it. But then...I found the perfect pair. 

(Source: my epic glasses search on GIPHY. I find it slightly hysterical that the tags on this one included #flirt. Guys, this is from a children's film. One of the best children's films of all time. Behave.)


I got all the necessary tests done beforehand. First, I got a free and intensive test at the Brighton Eye Hospital (because tumour, innit) – they put orange drops in my eyes, had me read screens, stuck my head very nicely into a brightly lit dome, everything. And yet, nothing. They even said I had better than 20/20 vision, and a slight lapse in the left eye (because tumour, tho) but my right eye made up for that perfectly. I couldn't help but think, then why can't I read train platform signs?!! 

So I went to an optician for a regular sight test – I'm 23 and have never had one, apparently that's crazy?! – and the dude who checked out my gogglers was an utter angel, so kind; he found my little eye quirks quickly but was still thorough in his quizzing. I picked out my frames the following week, and they have made my face very happy. They are nicely rounded, so they fit with my shield-shaped face, and the perfect cool blue that suits my skin. I swear, they are so perfect that even the cute young optician got excited as she took them out of the packaging and gave them to me to try a final time before taking them home. Then she was also delighted to give me a purple case, as it matched my freshly dyed hair...

...oh yeah, my hair...right. 

(Yeah, you guessed it. Same source. Joseph, you scamp. Love you. x)


Okay, I am aware that by impulsively getting my (currently blue-haired) mama to dye my hair violet the night before I picked the glasses up, I was effectively staging an image rebranding and ughh, sorry guys. I didn't mean to. Honest. (Although I did spend over an hour trying to get the perfect new selfie sorted out...see below. Nailed it) The violet actually came up a little too bright for my liking at first. I worried that I would look like I was trying to be young and fun, maybe like one of my (currently pink-haired) little sister's peers at college. But now, after one wash, it's faded enough that I can deal. It'll fade more over the next week and I think then I'll be happier. What I really desperately want is the silvery-lilac tone throughout, natural yet striking, but turns out that shit is hard to achieve. I'll rock the violet for now, I suppose. Some of my fave YA authors were complimenting it the day after the dyeing, so that was nice. Yet another reason I love them. Cheers, guys.  

(Glasses: cheap as chips at Specsavers. Their Hastings team are incredible, y'all. Also sneaky little pin badge courtesy of sighh designs, and vibrant violet-you're-turning-violet-violet hair dye by La Riche Directions.)


Anyway, yes, this blog post turned out to be a little vain. Oops. Apologies, again. I promise I'm hardly ever like this. In fact, it's been a while since I wrote a post wholly and totally about...me. And my life. It's what I first started this blog doing back in 2010 kinda time, but over time other things, e.g. books, theatre and various super-sexy taboos took over a little bit. Which has been awesome fun, and way more interesting than just me me me. But yeah. I wanted to talk about the major life change that is me getting glasses. Deal with it. 

(Sorry) (Will probably stick to the little Facts posts for now, don't panic.)

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